Life has no inherent meaning. Several religions accept and extend this fact. Nihilism is low hanging fruit. It is an extreme, and extremes are easy to believe. Balance takes practice. Existentialism is our perception’s imposed meaning on the meaninglessness of life. Emptiness is both an undoing of this perception, and, to me, a reinforcement of it in a subtle, almost fractal way.

Not only is there no higher purpose, but there isn’t even a someone to have meaning in the first place. If this sounds bleak, don’t worry: there’s a beautiful freedom to it with the right perspective. Its only bleak from a person’s perspective. It is not bleak from the perspective of wheat. The smartest thing wheat did for its entire species was be tasty to humans. It gets to feel the cool summer nights, the light of a silver moon, bathe in an afternoon thunderstorm, and wave in the wind. Life exists to live.

Life didn’t evolve for a purpose. It bootstrapped itself off of trace chemicals for shits and giggles. Innumerable generations of single-celled organisms existed to eat, breed, and get eaten. Each living creature was made to exist temporarily, keeping vital organs and organelles in order for a bit.

So when did we evolve a need for a purpose? What is it that needs a purpose? What is it thats observing all this? A Buddhist idea for this is the five aggregates. According to this theory, each person is an amalgamation of the physical body, feelings, perceptions, thoughts, and consciousness. Consciousness is the observer. Where is meaning supposed to live?

The siren song of nihilism and thoughts of death called to me in the form of Radiohead. I fell into a depressive slump for a few days. I wasn’t meditating as often, wasn’t exercising like I used to, and wasn’t eating too clean. I wasn’t sure what the point of practicing was. The largest contributors to my depression are a belief in a bleak future, a lack of self-love, and nihilism. I was on the verge of defanging the last root of my depression. Perhaps my mind knew this and tried to suck me into the sullen spiral one last time.

I was in the dark night of the soul, a common feature of multiple meditative practices. Eckhart Tolle helped me draw a crucial bridge that keeps both the meaninglessness of the world and a higher purpose. What seemed like opposites were not with a transcendent viewpoint. Now, I can’t view nihilism the same way. The concept of no inherent meaning makes my skin tingle with freedom. It feels limitless. I feel with practice this groundless, untethered “meaning” can be the only way I can feel when depressed. Will this last? Only time will tell, then dispel.